Wayne's Worst Nightmare
by LasersAndSpikes
Summary: Super hearing can be more of a burden than a blessing sometimes...


OK, so this idea wouldn't leave my head... So have a short perverted ramble! XD

* * *

Wayne was floating aimlessly while on patrol of the city when he heard something that worried him.

The screams were coming from the Industrial District, and he was pretty sure the person behind them was Roxanne Ritchi, ace reporter.

He picked up the pace, covering the stretch of the Downtown area in mere seconds, until he came to a sudden halt when he heard another familiar voice.

"Muahahaha, struggle and scream all you want Miss Ritchi, there is no escape!"

"Please... no, _**stop!**_"

The hero was now hovering above a large rectangular building, about to crash his way through when Megamind's uncertain tone stopped him in his tracks.

"Roxanne... I don't know if I'm entirely comfortable with-"

"Oh just get your blue ass over here already and fuck me!"

"I'm just saying, this non-consensual roleplay thing is just a little-"

"Fine, you want me to beg? OK, I'll beg! Please Megamind, my alien lover; untie me, put me out of this** misery.** _Fuck my puny human brains out, and probe me 'til I scream!_"

Wayne could hear the sarcasm dripping off her lips in that last sentence, but in a way she still sounded entirely serious.

"Hmm, that's more like it, I suppose... Fine, I shall alleviate your state of painful arousal!" He shouted triumphantly.

Wayne heard the reporter mutter under her breath something that sound like; "About freaking time..." and he chose that moment to make his leave.

Not even seconds later he heard the pulling of zips, and slaps of leather that indicated that his 'little buddy' was considerably less clothed. "Eww, eww, eww..."

He was half way across the city when his super hearing picked up; "Fuck me, Megamind... fuck me with your tents..."

Wayne blanched, feeling slightly ill, and stuck his fingers in his ears as he proceeded to scream; "LALALALALALALALA, IF I CAN'T HEAR IT, IT'S NOT HAPPENIIIINNNG!"

The citizens of Metro City all looked up as their saviour tore through the skies above them, and towards the outskirts of the city where his fortress of solitude lay.

He practically snapped the large metal door off it's hinges as he scrambled towards the cabinet where he kept his alcohol.

Somehow he didn't think that all the scotch in the world could make him forget what he just heard.

"Tents..? As in _tentacles?_ Ugh, no. No no no **noooo...**"

He slugged down the glass of amber liquid and proceeded to pour himself a second.

And a third.

And very soon the bottle was empty.

* * *

Wayne awoke to a blissful haze that was followed by a splitting headache.

"Oh, jeez..."

He eyed the empty bottle on the carpet, and noticed that he had fallen asleep on the floor. He eased himself up and walked to the kitchen to dispose of the bottle in one of the bins.

"That was a pretty crazy dream..." He muttered idly, stretching his massive frame.

He checked the clock and realised he should've been out patrolling half an hour ago. He shot into his bathroom and flicked the switch to his belt-sander.

Gillette, the best a man could get? They'd obviously never heard of Black & Decker. Not that anything else actually worked at removing his stubble, anyway.

He was still wearing his hero garb from yesterday, which was lucky, so after blasting his chin with the power tool, he upped and left. He could always grab something for breakfast on the way.

He wasn't half a mile from his house when he heard the snarky tones of his rival once again, only he could hear it blaring from every major television in the city, and it boomed through his still sensitive head.

"Oh, shut up, for the love of..."

He made his way back to the massive building where he knew Megamind was hiding, and jumped through the slit in the fake observatory roof, landing but a few feet away from him.

Megamind leapt in panic, and scuttled backwards at the sudden pearly and gold invasion into his home.

"So... what took you so long?" He said, finally regaining his composure.

"Ugh, could you keep that whiny little voice down, I've got a splitting headache..."

Megamind eyed him suspiciously before resting his features back into a cocky grin. "Aww, do you want to sit down and have a cup of tea?"

"Oh sir, I'll get right on it!" Minion chirped.

"NO. NO YOU WILL NOT." He huffed and brought his leathery fingers to his temples to give them soothing circular motions. "I was being sar-cat-stick!"

"...sarcastic." Roxanne piped up.

Wayne hadn't even realised she was there, and taking in the smug grin on her face he suddenly blurted out; "Oh, crabsticks, it wasn't a nightmare at all!"

The three other occupants all eyed the hero with caution as he began pacing.

Megamind was wondering whether or not to cut the live feed to the city and just call it a day. Obviously something was getting at the man, and he couldn't fight when the other party wasn't on form. That just wasn't proper villainous behaviour.

Roxanne woke Wayne up from his reverie again, asking; "**What** wasn't a nightmare?" She was beginning to sound agitated.

He spun around to face her, and in turn took in Megamind's equally clueless expression. "Oh, god..." His eyes flickered between the two of them. "Oh, jeez..."

Megamind had the remote in his hand, just about to stop the camerabots recording when-

"You two are totally having sex, right?"

Megamind let out a shrill scream of surprise, dropping the remote with a clatter. He scrambled to pick it up, and pressed the off button. But the damage was done.

The strange display was all Wayne needed as confirmation.

"Oh, for the love of... I'm never going to sleep again, I hope you know that; Tentacle Boy!"

Megamind's face turned a sour shade of purple, and his lips curled back in disgust.

"WERE YOU WATCHING?"

"NO! WHY THE HELL WOULD I WATCH THAT?"

"I DON'T KNOW? YOU'RE THE PERVERT!"

"Girl, girls! Can we keep it down, I think you're mentally scarring a certain ichthyoid."

They all turned to Minion, who was looking decidedly green. Megamind went to speak when the fish held up a robotic hand.

"I've heard quite enough, thank you, sir. Now I'm off to go make that tea..."

He left quickly and quietly, and Roxanne couldn't help but feel terrible for the part she played in his embarrassment. _'Poor little guy. But I guess he's going to have to get used to it. No way am I giving those up...' _She mused, sneaking a glance at her 'lover's' crotch with a grin.

* * *

I don't even know...

DON'T JUDGE ME!

Reviews are always appreciated. I wonder if Minion is the only one ending up permanently scarred after this...


End file.
